Open Mic

Shane (7:44:04 PM): i feel the De-blanks are pushing it
Shane (7:44:17 PM): i thought DeShaun was weird
Shane (7:44:26 PM): then I saw DePaul and was all "Get outta here you"
Shane (7:44:30 PM): DeAaron
Shane (7:44:34 PM): come on

Shane (1:17:31 AM): I am very interested in giiiirls

Shane (8:06:59 PM): duuude
Shane (8:07:03 PM): you're racist TOO?!
Shane (8:07:04 PM): NO WAY
Shane (8:07:06 PM): WE SHOULD HANG OUT
Shane (8:07:16 PM): IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS!

Shane (2:27:03 AM): they inject me with the allergen right
Shane (2:27:06 AM): to make me immubne
Shane (2:27:06 AM): so
Shane (2:27:10 AM): they inject me with MITES?!?!
Shane (2:27:13 AM): wgrosooss
Shane (2:27:19 AM): hopefully
Shane (2:27:23 AM): i will get a superpower

Shane (10:24:49 PM): imagine that on a trailer
Shane (10:24:59 PM): "FROM
Shane (10:25:00 PM): um
Shane (10:25:07 PM): MASTERS IN FILM STUDIES DEGREE GETTER SHANE VADER"

Shane (6:09:53 PM): rush limbaugh + painkiller addiction + 9/11 joke

Shane (2:45:46 AM): oh fuck a big bug just flew all nonchalant past me
Shane (2:45:47 AM): slowly
Shane (2:45:48 AM): i said
Shane (2:45:49 AM): oh fuck
Shane (2:45:52 AM): oh fuuck
Shane (2:45:53 AM): oh FUCK
Shane (2:45:55 AM): OH FUCK
Shane (2:49:11 AM): squished with book and wrapped in napkins into a tight ball
Shane (2:49:15 AM): then stuck in a ziplock bag
Shane (2:49:16 AM): like TI

Shane (12:49:33 AM): the other day i was at the baseball game and i kneed him in the back
Shane (12:49:38 AM): and i said tim i kneed you in the back
Shane (12:49:40 AM): then i repeated
Shane (12:49:41 AM): Tim
Shane (12:49:44 AM): I NEED you
Shane (12:49:45 AM): in the back

Shane (11:42:02 PM): did you hear the one
Shane (11:42:05 PM): about the drummer
Shane (11:42:17 PM): who, looking for more comfort while slamming the skins,
Shane (11:42:23 PM): turned to a bottle of stool sampler?
Shane (11:42:25 PM): softener
Shane (11:42:26 PM): i mean
Shane (11:42:27 PM): haha
Shane (11:42:28 PM): FUCK

Shane (10:15:57 PM): stand up comedian ego fund is being filled